


The Dark Place

by faequeentitania



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Lightsaber Battles, Love Confessions, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 08:13:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faequeentitania/pseuds/faequeentitania
Summary: “Ben!”A lithe body colliding with his so hard it nearly sent them both into the water, and would have, had he not frantically used the Force to restore his balance, his arms instinctually wrapping tight around her to keep them both upright.She was here. She was actually, physically here.





	The Dark Place

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to [ANerdsLife4Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANerdsLife4Me) and [collegefangirl3791](https://archiveofourown.org/users/collegefangirl3791) for being so incredibly kind and looking this over for me. You're awesome.

He had been pulled here.

He couldn’t understand why, there was nothing remarkable about this jungle planet. Huge trees, damp ground, the air thick with humidity and the buzz of vibrant, screeching life.

He was sweating within moments of stepping out of his craft, but he ignored his discomfort. This was where he was meant to be, he could feel it, the Force thrumming inside him like a current of electricity.

He let himself open to it, asking it to show him the way.

A pull, like a hook into his guts, and he followed, trusting the Force and his instincts to show him what he was meant to see.

 _There._ Jagged rock rising high above him, and between the trees, the cave mouth beckoned to him.

He ducked through the entrance, the energy inside actually making his skin prickle and sting.

Darkness. This was a place of the Dark Side, a cauldron of death and violence and fear, and he let it soak into his body with a shuddering breath.

He had to press on, he had to venture _deeper_. There was something here for him to see.

It was so dark that he nearly stumbled more than once, sweat rolling down his neck, his face, his back, even as the oppressive Dark made goosebumps break out on his skin.

He stepped carefully, one hand raised above his head to protect it from any low protrusions of rock, and the other following the wall. The tunnel squeezed so tight he could barely get through in some places, and in others he could hear the echo of his footsteps and his own panting breaths. He had no idea how long he had been walking, but by the time the passageway opened up, revealing a huge, looming cavern, he was dripping with sweat and his back was sore from hunching to fit through.

Sunlight pierced through the roof in sporadic patches, so bright he had to squint, the light beams revealing an unnaturally still, clear body of water. The rest of the cavern remained in stubborn, crushing darkness.

He crept forward slowly, cautiously, until he reached the edge of the water and looked down.

His own face, marred by Rey’s scar, reflected back to him in the mirror-like water.

He hardly ever looked at his own image. Rey’s scar, that he had felt a million times with his fingers, was still startling to see on his face, and he looked sallow; his face long and thin, his eyes dull and tired, with dark circles beneath them to remind him of his perpetual exhaustion.

He hardly recognized himself anymore.

There was movement behind him, and he froze, eyes widening at what he saw stepping up behind him.

He saw... himself. The figure was tall and dark, but the once-familiar, emotionless mask he had worn for so many years loomed over his shoulder instead of a face.

They stared at each other in the reflection for a long moment.

Then the sound of a saber.

He gasped, jerking to the side, and the masked figure advanced on him in long, threatening strides.

He pulled his own saber into his hand and ignited it, still backing up in confused fright, until there was nowhere left to go.

The sabers clashed.

He grunted at the effort of holding off his attacker’s swings, the strength behind each hit vibrating up his arms. _Kriff,_ was he really that strong?

He grit his teeth, and let his anger soar through him.

Every cruel word, every dismissal, every shred of fear and pain and suffering he had felt his entire life was called up, an offering to the Dark Side to fuel his fury and bolster his strength.

It worked for a moment, giving him the means to advance, to put the masked monster on the defense, retreating one step, then two, then three.

Then his air cut off.

He choked, still trying to fight, to pierce the thick body with his lightsaber, but it wasn’t long before white spots swam before his vision, before he was frantically struggling to push the Force grip away, to let oxygen back into his lungs.

He couldn’t move it, couldn’t manipulate the Force to release the pressure; his body was failing, and he was going to die.

He stumbled, still trying to remain on his feet, despite the way his vision was whiting out, despite his muscles growing weak, his heart pounding furiously, screaming at him to _breathe!_

The figure raised its lightsaber, poised to strike, and he knew there was not enough strength left in him to deflect it.

This was his death.

With a jerk, the figure whipped around, and the pressure on his throat suddenly released.

His body screamed in painful relief, gasping and wheezing as air flooded back into his lungs, making him so lightheaded he couldn’t stop his knees from giving out.

Someone else was here, drawing the attention of the figure. Someone... with a gleaming blue saberstaff.

He pushed his protesting body to move, to get back up, to _fight, damn you, fight!_

He couldn’t _see_ , the gleam of their lightsabers wasn’t enough to combat the way the darkness of the cavern was trying to swallow them up; there was only the clash of red and blue, and he pushed himself to flank the masked figure opposite the newcomer.

The sound of their blades clashing echoed through the cavern, sharp and thunderous, and he forced his exhausted arms to move, to strike heavy and angry against the masked nightmare.

A wordless yell, and his strike sent the creature’s hand flying, along with his lightsaber.

The mask gave a robotic howl, and beyond the figure, the blue saberstaff raised, ready to land the last strike.

 _Together,_ he thought dizzily, clenching his lightsaber tighter, and raising it once more.

Their blades bisected the figure, and he vanished in a bellow of black smoke.

The saberstaff extinguished, and he was surrounded by darkness, save for the glow of his own lightsaber.

He stumbled back, back toward the shafts of light by the water, reeling and shaking and still gasping for air.

Impact.

_“Ben!”_

A lithe body colliding with his so hard it nearly sent them both into the water, and would have, had he not frantically used the Force to restore his balance, his arms instinctually wrapping tight around her to keep them both upright.

She was here. She was actually, physically here.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered, her hand coming up to cradle the back of his head, his hair dripping with sweat.

“Rey,” he whispered her name, and she held him even tighter. He suddenly realized how hard he was shaking.

“What are you doing here?”

It was a stupid question. He knew she had felt the call, just as he had. There was no other explanation.

“Protecting you.”

Her voice was soft and gentle, and it curled around his heart like a hand.

_Protecting you._

The words echoed in his head, but he almost couldn’t make sense of them. Why would she protect him?

“I don’t understand.”

“I know, but you will. I’m here to bring you home.”

 _Home._ He had no home.

He pulled away, stumbling back, and his heels splashed into the water as she released him, looking solemn and sad at his rejection of her touch.

“You’re wasting your time,” he snapped, and she sighed, shaking her head.

“Ben-”

Hearing that name was like a lash against his heart; it was only a reminder of his failures, a reminder of every pain and rejection he ever been subjected to, every person who had let him down, every person who had given up on him.

_“That is not my name!”_

His voice came out in a harsh growl, and his throat felt thick. In the sudden span of a moment, Rey’s solemn look was gone, replaced by steel resolution.

“You are extraordinarily frustrating, do you know that?”

Her voice was deadpan, but he could see the exasperation building in her eyes. Good. She needed to understand how fruitless her mission was, how stupid her held-out hope.

“You are smarter than this!” she burst angrily, “I know for a fact that you are! Why are you doing this?” She held her hands out imploringly, “This isn’t you. This is not who you are.”

“You don’t know who I am,” he panted, taking another step back, heedless of the water now surrounding his boot. This girl, this _scavenger,_ who had denied him, humiliated him, was claiming to know who he was? Was claiming to tell him who to be?

“I know you better than you think.” She kept her voice calm, stepping forward as he stepped back, and he felt cornered, trapped, pinned under the weight of her gaze and the determination etched into every feature of her face.

 _Get out get out get out,_ the desperate thought swirled in his head, and he clenched his fists in fury at his own weakness.

“I doubt that,” he forced between gritted teeth, pulling his eyes away from her hard gaze, and forced himself to push past her, looking for the passage that had brought him here.

“I know that when you were six years old, you almost drowned in the lake by your house.”

His feet stopped dead in their tracks and his heart nearly ceased beating.

“I know that Han rescued you, and I know that him and Leia holding you between them, telling you not to cry, that you were going to be okay, was the safest you’ve ever felt.”

He couldn’t move. He was going to shatter, one wrong breath and he was going to break into a million pieces and would never be put back together the same way again.

“I know that the first memory you can remember is flying. You’re sitting on your father’s lap, and the stars are rushing by the _Falcon._ It was love at first sight, you and flying.”

She was moving closer. Slowly, barely moving her feet, but he could hear it, feel it.

“I know the first time you realized your father was afraid of you, you had pulled a whole chandelier down with the Force. You don’t even remember what you were angry about now, but you remember his fear. The way he looked at you, like he didn’t recognize you.”

He was shaking again, and he couldn’t stop.

“I know that the most beautiful day you had with your mother was when she showed you how she braided her hair. You wanted to learn how, so she showed you, over and over, until you got it. You still remember how.”

“Stop.”

“I know that the first time Snoke forced you to push into someone's mind for information, you barely made it back to your quarters before you threw up. You were so sick at what you had done, that he expected you to do the very thing Luke had hurt you so deeply with. That’s why you always waited for them to be conscious. You would do as Snoke commanded, but the only way you could live with yourself was if they had a fighting chance to resist you.”

 _“I said stop!”_ the words were a snarling yell, and he turned to face her, his heart beating so fast he felt certain it was going to burst.

She was staring him down so stubbornly, her hands clenched at her sides and her eyebrows drawn together, bracing, ready to fight him. She expected to, he could see it in every tense line of her body.

“How do you know that?” he demanded harshly, his fingers numb from how hard he was clenching his hands, “How the _hell_ could you _possibly_ know any of that?”

“Because I never stop dreaming about you!”

Her shout echoed in the cavern, ringing in his ears.

“From the moment you first touched my hand,” her voice softer now, almost pleading, “I never stop dreaming about you. Every night, every time I close my eyes, the Force shows me your life. I've seen so much, I... I know that you didn’t meet Chewbacca until you were almost a year old, and Han thought you would be scared of him. You reached for him without a shred of fear. Chewbacca even told you once that he decided right then and there that he would give his life for you in a heartbeat. That you became his son just as much as Han’s.”

His throat was closing up, but it wasn’t the Force this time, and it took every shred of willpower he possessed to keep his tears from falling.

“I know that when you fight,” she stepped a little closer, her face pleading, her own eyes wet with tears, “When your only options are to die or to kill, it’s the most pure exhilaration you know. I felt it, when we fought together. The way it excited you, made you feel alive.”

She was so close, a mere foot away.

“Ben,” she always said his name so pleadingly, “ _I know._ I know all the ugly parts, the parts Luke tried to get you to fight. I’m not afraid.”

She held out her hand, her palm up, open, inviting, and he bit his lip as the tears freed themselves from his eyes against his will.

“I’m not afraid,” she repeated, “Don’t you get it? The Jedi, the Sith, they got it all _wrong_. It was never about driving out the darkness, or driving out the light. Balance in the Force isn’t about standing on one side or the other, facing your equal. It’s about embracing _both._ About accepting your anger, but not letting it rule you. It’s about living for love and compassion, but knowing when to put it aside and fight. You don’t have to hurt so much.”

A little closer, her hand still outstretched, and tears ran down her cheeks, her voice cracking, “ _We_ don’t have to hurt so much. I don’t want you to dig out the dark parts. I have them too. But I think...”

She bit her lip, and fresh tears fell, “I think you could be happy, with me. I want to be happy with you. The more the Force shows me, the more I know that I...”

Every beat of his heart felt raw, painful, like a knife had slipped between his ribs and lodged there, the shape of it feeling like the words tumbling from her lips.

“That I love you,” she whispered, “Or... that I could, if you ever let me.”

Her hand was still open, still offered to him, and the Force was resonating with the earnestness of her confession.

“You told me to let go of the past,” she said, her voice still a soft, pleading whisper, “But you continue to let it control your every move, Ben. Letting the past die isn’t about destroying it. It’s about forgiving it. Let all the wrongs stay in the past. Leave them right here, in this cave. Let them die with Kylo Ren.”

He looked at her hand, open and waiting for him.

He tugged off his glove, and took it.

_Intimacy; the two of them entwined together in a bed, warm and safe. Desire; her hands buried in his hair, his body buried inside hers, listening to her sounds of pleasure. Strength; the two of them standing together, the Force bending to their will like never before. Comfort; a smile and a touch, sharing a warm meal under the stars. Family; his hand on her belly, feeling the life growing inside her. Belonging; the stars slipping by the cockpit of the Falcon, and he is home._

He gasped as the Force vision faded from his mind, the two of them panting in shock.

“Did you see-?” he gasped, and she nodded fervently, her grip on his hand tightening.

“Our future,” she whispered, “Yes. I saw it.”

“Do you want that?” he couldn’t help but ask, fear twisting in his chest at the thought that she would balk at it, turn away and run.

“More than anything.”

Her words were immediate, confident, and he thought his heart would burst from his chest.

He pulled her across the rest of the tiny distance that separated them, cupping her face in his hand, and kissed her.

_I’ve loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you, Rey of Jakku._

_I know, Ben Solo. I know._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not entirely sure if I love this fic, but if I keep looking at it and trying to tweak it I might go crazy. Would love to hear what you think, and thanks for reading!
> 
> Feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](https://faequeentitania.tumblr.com).


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